Growing up, I was always physically smaller than most kids my age. That meant I was “easy pickins” for bullies. It’s fascinating that in Junior High the leader of the “gang” who  bullied me most was actually shorter than me. But he was physically tough with a dominating personality. I was small, skinny, and rather shy – the perfect target.

The kind of bullying I described here still happens, and it is a traumatic experience for any child. However, bullying today has evolved into something more sinister. Today’s bullying is more than a personal, physical encounter like I experienced in school. Social media has elevated bullying to a pervasive level of intimidation and shaming unlike anything previously known. Your grandkids might be victims of this kind of bullying. 

The internet has unleashed a different kind of bullying: cyberbullying. 

All bullying is rooted in cowardice instigated by an arrogant, tough sounding leader of a pack of cowards who love to prey on weaker targets.  Cyberbullying, because of its invasiveness, persistence, and frenzied intimidation, creates high levels of anxiety, depression, or worse. Nearly half of all teens today suffer from it.

Cyberbullies are not merely motivated by a need to dominate those who are weaker than themselves. Cyberbullies are motivated by a number of other reasons. Some may feel the need to attack certain victims online because they deserve it. Others want to experience the thrill of attacking other teens. Some bullies respond to peer pressure and use social media to bully someone they know – so they can “fit in” with their peers. 

Cyberbullying is especially hateful when someone is targeted because they take a stand on a moral or social issue, even if done so graciously. Tragically, the extensive online exposure and peer pressure produced by cyberbullying means many of our children and teens are afraid to speak up for fear of retaliation or embarrassment. Their fears are justified because the impact of social media is bigger than anything we could have imagined in our youth.

Knowing this, what can a grandparent do if their grandchild is being bullied? 

Here are five considerations: 

1. Be alert to these and other signs that your grandchild may be a target of cyberbullying (or any other bullying).
   1. Not wanting to go to school (either flat refusal or a significant uneasiness about going)
   2. Sudden changes in performance at school
   3. Frequent complaints about feeling too ill to go to school
   4. Fear about checking messages on their smartphone
2. If you notice any of these warning signs, ask the parents if they have noticed similar signs. Ask their permission to assist in helping them deal with this, but also let them know that if your grandchild comes to you in confidence, unless there is a potential for significant harm. Let the child know you must share certain information with the parents to protect their trust.
3. While it is important to be a safe person for your grandchildren to talk with about their experiences, be sure they understand there is a point at which you must go to their parents or other appropriate sources to get help. That includes reporting dangerous bullying to the proper authorities, such as, School Principal, police, social media services, and others. Meanwhile, learn to ask questions that reflect your love and care for your grandchild. Guard against saying things that might cause further anxiety because they view you as condemning or accusatory. If your grandchild has not already done so, encourage openness with Mom and Dad. Offer to do that with them if it will help.
4. Boldly, but graciously ask your grandchild to “walk away” from the online bullying. This means turn it off—don’t open those social sites or messages. Help them resist any urge to retaliate. That will only make things worse. Christ asks us to “turn the other cheek” and to love those who hate us. That is hard to do, but when you walk alongside your grandchild, they can put into practice what God asks us all to do.
5. Pray, not only for them, but with them. Help them understand that hate and evil are real, but in Christ, we can overcome and find rest for our souls. Talk to them about who they really are and help them embrace what God says about how he has made them and their worth in him.

Cyberbully is beyond anything we could have imagined growing up ourselves. But it is a dirty reality of the world your grandchildren must navigate. Don’t minimize its impact. You are a vital source of help in this reality because God has placed you in a unique position to walk alongside them. Never forget: “Greater is the One that is in you (us) than the one that is in the world,” (1 John 4:4, KJV).