No grandparent, or parent, is really prepared for the birth of a special needs grandchild. As a grandparent how do I engage with this new reality and become a conduit of blessing for that child and family?

I’ve asked my good friend, Bob West, to share some important thoughts from a parent’s perspective about the role of grandparents in families with special needs children. Bob is the founder and president of Need Project providing resources and support to families with special needs children or adults. He knows what he’s talking about. He and his wife, Sue, have a son, Kyle, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Kyle is a truly amazing young man whose story you will want to read about Need Project on the web site.

I am so delighted that Bob was willing to share his wisdom with you for the next two weeks. I am confident Bob’s insights will enrich, encourage, and equip you for the journey ahead and the rich blessings God has in store for you and your family.

Bob West, guest blogger: Part 1

We all know that being expectant parents is one of the most exciting times in a family’s journey. Usually no one is more excited about the child than the parents, unless it’s the grandparents! While each and every child is a blessing from God, precious and unique, sometimes the birth can be accompanied by some heartbreaking news. The birth of a child with special needs or a disability is one of the most traumatic things that can happen to new parents.

Being thrust into making medical decisions for your precious child can be overwhelming and frightening. Doctors are asking you to approve things you really know nothing about. Whether at birth or years later, an unexpected diagnosis can put real strain on a family. They need support from those who love them, though it can seem difficult to figure out just how to help. There are, however, several ways that grandparents can uniquely provide practical support. These small steps will have an enormous impact for good on your child’s family.

TIP #1: New parents need rest! What many people don’t understand is how your son or daughter’s situation is different from that of many other parents. Imagine what it’s like for your grandchild to require regular medical interventions, like oxygen or tube feedings. Even if they don’t need these things, perhaps they have cognitive issues or suffer from emotional outbursts. Your adult child can’t hire the twelve year-old girl down the street to babysit. Even though there might be respite care available, it can be scary for parents to leave their child in an unknown place. The added stress of this kind of fear only makes the situation more difficult.

Spending time with your grandchild, learning their daily routine, can be immensely helpful. This way, when their parents need to go to an appointment or take some much needed time for themselves, they can leave their child with someone they can trust. Such assistance can be a powerful blessing. Even if the parents are unable to leave their child with you due to specific medical needs, if they have other children you can give a tremendous gift by spending time with your other grandkids. Remember that siblings can feel left out due to all the attention required by a child with health issues. Taking each child out for ice cream, or to the park, or fishing, can give them time to be the center of attention, and they will remember these special times in their lives.

TIP #2: Parents need spiritual support! There are not many who understand what a family is facing as they try to navigate the world of special needs for the first time. Medical issues and life-changing events make it difficult for a family to maintain the daily habits they need in order to preserve both their sanity and their faith. A pastor at my church told me his parents had not gone to church together for over forty years because of the demands of caring for his sister’s needs.

While many churches are starting to integrate more special needs children into Sunday School programs, not every church is willing and able to accommodate every family.

My son is an adult now, but when he was a preschooler our fear was that other preschoolers wouldn’t have the ability to avoid running into a child in a walker. In order for us to go to church, one of us would have had to stay with our child at home. That person would either have missed out on spiritual nourishment or would have had to go to a later service alone.

One of the greatest gifts we received as a young couple was my mother-in-law showing up every Sunday to stay with our son in his Sunday School class so we could go to church together. This allowed our relationship to undergo necessary spiritual growth. In hard times, our faith is the only thing that will sustain us, and it is critically important for a family to be fed spiritually.

If the church your children go to doesn’t offer support for the whole family, help them find a church that does, or discuss creating a program within their church body. We started the special needs program at our church fifteen years ago, not to serve our child but to help others. It now serves over fifty families, who would have otherwise had no place within our congregation where they felt included.

These things will make a huge impact on your children and grandchildren. Your support will help them find the strength they need to make it through, day by day and week by week. In our next post, we will talk about a few things that will help your relationship with your family thrive.