O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. (Psalm 71:17-18)

Congratulations! You’ve made it!  Praise the Lord. This is going to be the best time of your life so far. You have finally been rewarded for not strangling your kids when they were teenagers. 

No matter what people told me, it wasn’t until I actually became a grandfather that I appreciated the joy it brings. You’ve gotten a second chance to help raise a child. A second chance to make a profound impression on a child’s life, even if you messed up the first time around with your own children. 

You get to crawl on the floor and play kids games again. You see the joy in their eyes, and hear the squeals that they make, discovering the simple things again. You feel energized. And you’ll need plenty of that energy to get off the floor. 

Your role as a grandfather is a unique one and cannot be filled by anyone else. Your grandchildren will benefit, and you will too. As a Chrisitian grandfather, you will demonstrate the love of our heavenly father to your grandchildren. To put it another way, they will see God in you.

Step into your role with gratitude

My first piece of advice then, is to step into your role as grandfather with gratitude and enthusiasm with the intention of leaving a godly legacy.

Choose your new name

Some people say the grandchildren give you a new name. I say that this is your opportunity to choose one yourself. You’ll be called by this name the rest of your life by many people, not just the grandchildren. Your wife and kids may call you by this name too. So, take time to think about it and choose a name you’ll love to be called every day.

Read a children’s Bible to them regularly

Teach them about loving God and how God loves them. Your grandchildren will love the times when you sit down with them and you read the children’s Bible together. Read other Christian children’s books as well. Teach them about the glory and the power of God in everyday things. Share how God has worked in your life. I’m sure you have many stories to tell.

Help your children with raising the child

All young couples are overwhelmed when they go from happy-go-lucky DINKS (double income no kids) to parents of a child 24/7. I know not all couples are DINKS, but it’s still a shock. No matter how much they have turned the guest room into the nursery, it’s still a jarring experience. They need help from you, so be prepared to carve out a big part of your weekly schedule to be involved with the parents of your new precious bundle, no matter where they are. Sometimes, the new parents live out of town. And sometimes it’s all up to a single parent. They need a lot of support.

Keep the three A’s in mind

Attention– The grandchildren need your full attention and that translates into time. With one or more of the parents working, volunteering, and busy at church, they don’t have a lot of time for their child. You can fill that need.

Affection– Affection and plenty of hugs is what you can provide and feeling loved is vital to the child. Lots of hugs and kisses on the cheek is what I liked to do when they were small. Hugs can continue at any age, and hang on longer. Five to 10 seconds up to 20 seconds are considered most effective.

 Family therapist Virginia Satir has said, “We need four hugs a day to survive, eight hugs to keep us as we are, and 12 hugs to grow.” But while Satir had the right idea, research suggests that the length of our hugs matters more than the number of hugs we have. 1

Affirmation– Be supportive. Think of your role as an encourager, or a life coach. You can be the one to deliver the attaboys and cheer them on in all their achievements. 

Nurture the new relationship with your children, the parents

Humility– Stay humble in your role. You are not the father, and that is an adjustment. Respect the boundaries set up by your child and their spouse. You will also need to teach them about your boundaries as well. 

Patience– Patience is needed with the whole process of grandparenting as you allow the parents room to make their own mistakes. You are learning a new role and it will be a work in progress where all parties need patience.

Forgiveness– Forgiveness is needed for all the mistakes and misunderstandings that are inevitable. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made as a parent. Don’t let those keep you from being an effective grandparent.

Finally, enjoy the adventure and cherish your grandchildren.  Grandparenting is a sacred calling. God has uniquely prepared you to grandfather your particular grandkids.

The days are long, but the years fly by.

Notes:

1. Tracy P. “What 20 Seconds of Hugging can do For You” Psychology Today- January 19, 2022 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/keep-it-in-mind/202201/what-20-seconds-hugging-can-do-you

Books:

Tim & Darcy Kimmel- Extreme Grandparenting, Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2007.

Cavin Harper- Courageous Grandparenting, Colorado Springs, CO: The Christian Grandparenting Network, 2013.

Dr. Dan Erickson- Grand Fathering- Live to Leave a Legacy, Lee’s Summit, MO: People Matter Ministries, 2014.