The Book of Esther powerfully demonstrates the impact of a person who took on the role of a parent. Among the characters in this account is Mordecai, who raised Esther as his own daughter after her parents died. Mordecai did not shirk his responsibility to care for someone who was not his biological child. Esther accepted Mordecai’s role, obeying his godly teaching and instruction. It resulted in saving the entire nation of Israel from the threat of genocide.

Imagine how their daily lives might have looked. There had to be a significant level of trust on the part of Esther to obey what Mordecai was teaching her, in the way she was being discipled in her faith for a future unknown. This is not to say your godly influence will yield the same results. Rather, it demonstrates how the Lord works through us when we honor Him with our thoughts, words, and actions. These are lessons of perseverance, faithfulness, and love.

We can learn from Mordecai and Esther, and apply their lesson to how we relate with our children and grandchildren. We can do this regardless of how our families are formed. The command given in Deuteronomy 6:6-8 to teach children to fear (revere) the Lord applies to all who have taken on the role of grandparent to one or more children. This includes step-grandparents, grandparents of adopted or foster children, surrogates, or other adults who serve in such capacity. No two families are alike, biological or not, but there are some useful tips for all grandparents.

Rely on the Lord for direction

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.” (Psalm 143:10)

When a child or grandchild loses a parent or grandparent through death or divorce it introduces a significant element of grief. Remarriage presents another factor: a new individual who has no biological connection. Sometimes, it might cause concerns for children about family loyalties. Accept it and move on.

Be your genuine self.

You are not taking the place of someone else, so you are free to be yourself. You were created as a unique individual with gifts and talents that are yours alone. Thank God for how He will use you as a grandparent – then move forward with confidence. Keep Him at the forefront of your thoughts as you interact with your ready-made family.

Give your spouse’s family some grace.

We all have different ways of adjusting to change. That’s a given. In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus commands us to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls, and minds. Then He tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Apply this to your family. Consider the different ways you related to classmates or coworkers. Use that same principle here. Allow children to come to know you at their own pace.

Refuse to be influenced by negative comments.

Open the proverbial family closet and, inevitably, the naysayers fall out. Refuse to be offended by any callous remarks made to or about you. They are rooted in ignorance, envy, or guilt. Those burdens don’t belong to you. Instead, pray for anyone who expresses such thoughts. Everyone needs prayer, and everyone can offer heartfelt, honest prayer on someone’s behalf. This benefits both of you and is a fragrant offering of love, pleasing to our Lord.

Keep in mind that, as a grandparent, you hold a vital family role. Put God at the forefront of all you do. Keep your eye on the ultimate goal of leading younger generations to faith in Christ through His grace. Through marriage or your response to a pending need, you chose to accept a child as your own. Wear the distinction with honor.