We are influenced by the world we live in. Every day we make decisions that are shaped by what we have learned from parents, extended families, school, workplaces, and our communities or affinity groups. Social media is also a very influential piece of life today. These cultural expectations may be communicated verbally or indirectly. They are the standards and rules that guide our behavior in society and tell us what is or is not acceptable. It is a human characteristic to have a need for acceptance, approval, and belonging. How we think (judgment) and live our lives (reactions) are affected by the unwritten rules of cultural expectations as we take for granted that our way of doing things is the correct one.

How do cultural influences and expectations impact us?

Think about it. Were certain clothing or hairstyles more acceptable in your home of origin? Were certain educational pursuits or careers elevated above others? So much of what we do or think emerges from what we “caught” or were “taught” as we grew up. Marriage is often a catalyst for challenging differing family cultures. For example, my husband’s family were “huggers” and embraced upon entering or leaving a gathering. My family, on the other hand, rarely demonstrated affection through physical contact (while they did indeed care for one another). 

Moving from one part of the country to another has given us examples of varying regional expectations. When we moved to Minnesota, we quickly discovered that removing one’s shoes at the door was expected when entering the homes of friends. (We were initially uncomfortable with this and now try to remember to bring bedroom slippers along to change into as we enter.) A few years ago we briefly joined our daughter who was serving in mission work in Africa. In order to participate in the local ministry, it was necessary for me to wear mid-calf length skirts (this necessitated a shopping trip as I lacked the appropriate clothing). Topics such as table manners (sit at a table or on a floor mat?), eye contact during conversation, social distancing, etiquette, time management (punctuality anyone?), holiday celebrations (another marriage-induced opportunity for mediation), and greetings (handshake, bow, or kiss on the cheek?) vary greatly across the world. Some expectations are more overt (such as the aforementioned) and others center on value systems and beliefs.

Sociologists describe cultural norms as being on a continuum from “tight” to “loose.” A society with tight norms requires conformity and produces rule-followers who try to avoid “mistakes”. This may lead to judging those around them. On the other extreme, culturally loose societies are less formal or formula-based and tolerate a wider variety of behaviors (not always healthy).

Let’s be honest and admit that some expectations may appear strange or even dysfunctional to us when examined from our own cultural perspectives. We often make decisions without thinking about whether or how societal viewpoints influenced us. But we can make a conscious decision to move in a different direction than our culture has ingrained. This requires us to suspend our biases and examine our “blind spots.” Because challenging the status quo may be difficult, we benefit from mentoring, honest interactions with others, or coaching to hear an outside perspective. The Bible calls this “iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17), especially when it is Scripture-based.

Our world is changing at a dizzyingly fast pace. Entering the 7th decade of life provides me experience with a wide array of cultural expectations to examine under the light of the Bible. It is comforting to remember that God isn’t confused or caught off-guard by all these cultural conundrums.

What is the difference between Biblical vs. cultural Christianity? 

The ultimate goal of cultural Christianity is comfort, telling us to be content with a God who wants us just to be happy and behave well. The cultural Christian has a nice outward appearance with the objective of other people’s approval. Indeed, they may have a commonality with the demons who also believe in God’s existence (James 2:19) but there is nothing personal about it.

Biblical Christian is not always so comfortable, as we know God has expectations beyond personal circumstantial happiness. We realize that He requires repentance from sin and a submissive commitment to Him on a daily basis (Luke 9:23). The goal of a Biblical Christian is God’s approval based on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ (Galatians 3:26).

As believers we represent Christ as we live in our cultural context. This is characterized by loving God, loving others, and being a witness for Him. As His ambassadors, 2 Corinthians 5:20 explains that we represent a heavenly world even while we live in this earthly one. We can recognize that there are some good things (i.e., godly) that are part of our cultural context, and we thank God for them. Simultaneously, we daily seek to reflect the Spirit of Christ in our everyday life and personal culture for the benefit of that society. We point them to the only One who can heal the brokenness found in all human societies.

How do we put biblical Christianity into action?

On a practical level, as Christian grandparents, how do we engage the cultures in which we (along with our grown children and grandchildren) find ourselves? We can teach and affirm our core values and Biblical principles as the truth (Psalm 119:160) without demanding or insisting that others hold the same views. May we leave a legacy upon which our grandchildren may build but not be legalized about it. We are called to demonstrate grace by showing our unconditional love for them regardless of their responses. After all, isn’t that the example set before us by God’s sending Jesus Christ to die for us “while we were yet sinners” (Romans 5:8)? Undoubtedly, it is not easy to live with the tension of differences. Increasingly, Biblical truth is challenged by our culture’s belief that anything (and even everything) is acceptable. Suffering may accompany following in His steps (I Peter 2:21). Yet, God has provided His direction to us as we seek to follow Him in all our ways (Proverbs 3:6). 

Prayer: Lord, open our eyes to see You more clearly. Help us to acknowledge You in all our ways. May we show grace to others as You have demonstrated bountiful grace to us. Teach us Your truths from Your Word, enabling us to have discernment in these times of confusion. May our lives be examples of how to be Biblical Christians and godly grandparents. Amen.