Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands…” 2 Peter 3:1

“I don’t want that word in my vows!” At the mention of the word ‘submit’, the young bride-to-be stiffened and her eyes narrowed as she looked over at her fiancé. We were discussing the vows for their upcoming wedding. Everything was going well until we came to the bride’s vows. “We are equals,” she exclaimed. “If I have to say ‘submit’, so does he. This is the 21st century. A wife submitting to her husband was a cultural thing in the Bible. Things are different now. I will love and honor him, but I am not his slave. That’s what the word means to me.”

Without question, an abundance of self-centered, tyrannical husbands, or husbands unwilling to accept responsibility, have made it hard for women to get excited about the idea of submission. Why shouldn’t women view the notion with suspicion?

Harsh and irresponsible husbands will answer to the severe and just judgment of God. A man who does not submit himself to the lordship of Christ and love his wife as Christ loves the church is not worthy of submission. Even so, God’s command through his apostles is clear. We are not justified in refusing to submit because those in authority are unworthy. It is true for the home just as it is in the marketplace or our government.

This may be the hardest aspect of submission for us to accept. A loving husband, a compassionate employer and a just government makes it easier for us to submit. But when I am faced with unloving, unjust leadership, the idea of submission seems unfair. In either case, the prevalent cultural attitude still resists the notion of this radically liberating truth.

Whatever the situation, I must point out this is not my word—it’s God’s. Both Paul and Peter used it in reference to the wife’s relationship to her husband. They did not view it as a cultural issue. They saw it as God’s created order of authority in relationships. Yes, Paul did talk about submitting to one another, but notice that the context is not about husbands and wives, but the entire body of Christ. The church is to “speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs,” and then “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (our supreme authority).”

Peter uses the phrase “in the same way” as he describes the husband’s responsibility to his wife. It is the same phrase he used earlier for the wife’s submission to her husband. To what does ‘in the same way’ refer? It refers to the example of Christ who submitted himself to the will of the Father. “He entrusted himself to Him who judges justly.” We are told to follow in His steps.

If any man reads this and is tempted to go to his wife and say, ‘I told you so, honey. You are commanded to submit to my leadership,” may he be tarred and feathered! At the same time, I believe many marriages fall apart today because the truth is not accurately taught. Sadly, our poor example of godly submission is largely responsible for the contempt that currently exists for this sacred principle God has given us for the good of all.

So, the question becomes: What do our children and grandchildren learn about submission from our example in the home? Will the see a model they will want to imitate because they recognize its life-giving value? If you are a woman, what are you teaching your daughters and granddaughters about what submission in marriage looks like? Do they see it as a curse or a blessing? What they see in you will shape what they embrace for themselves.

By the way…lest there be any temptation among our male readers to assume a smug attitude about this topic, next week will be your turn. If you think submission is reserved for the fairer sex, you might want to wipe that smirk off your face. God’s instructions to husbands and fathers leaves little doubt about where the buck stops.