“Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.”  Prov. 14:13

Most of us love being around people who laugh regularly and robustly. I know I find myself laughing more when I am around people who laugh well—those who seem to be able to laugh in spite of the circumstances around them. I am impacted by people who laugh easily in spite of and seldom because of anything in particular. 

If only people, on the other hand, rarely laugh. They are too focused on their sad state of affairs: if only our finances were better; if only other people would treat me better; if only I had talent like that person. If only people tend to laugh at people rather than with them. They are more likely to snivel and see themselves as victims. It is too hard for them to see through the circumstances and see the gracious hand of God at work in the pain.   

In contrast, in spite of people laugh regularly and heartily, even when there is good cause not to. In spite of people don’t laugh to hide their pain, but to bathe the pain in a trustworthy God who brings ‘joy in the morning.’ And if they can’t laugh because their hearts ache so much, they at least know how to smile. There is something contagiously uplifting about being around such people.

Life has plenty of ‘joy killers’ that rob us of joy and the ability to laugh… if we let them. Grief and heartache are frequent companions in life, and we are not so naïve as to not know that joy can end in grief. Solomon reminds us that there is a time to laugh and to cry. It would be foolish to deny the need for tears and sadness in times of grief and pain.

The Apostle Paul understood that, so he wrote the letter to the Philippians to remind them—to remind all of us—that no matter what comes in life we are to, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil. 3:4). The choices is ours.

What will your grandchildren learn about joy and laughter from you? Does your own example encourage an in spite of attitude that rejoices always, or an if only attitude that tends toward complaining and fault-finding? Choosing to be an in spite of person when stuff happens is what it means to be intentional grandparents. Our attitude toward life and worldly treasures should show them that having more of anything, other than God’s grace, never makes anyone more joyful. Joy and laughter come from a different source.

In spite of laughter begins with an acknowledgement of the reality of pain and hurt you or your grandchildren may be experiencing. The issue is what we do when the pain comes. How will you teach them to rejoice in the Lord always?

Here’s a suggestion: When something painful or difficult happens, consider taking steps to engage your grandchildren (younger or older) in something that will bring back the smile to their face and the laughter in their heart. Something as silly as watching a funny movie together might help them experience laughter again. Sometimes talking about the specific incident and looking for something funny in it may bring the smiles and a good hearty laugh. Or it might be sharing a personal story that involves something funny related to similar kind of incident.

God created us to live in joy. I don’t know if laughter is always the best medicine, but it is good medicine. Intentional grandparents know that laughter is one God’s unique and precious gifts for lifting the spirit and reminding us that He is working all things for good because He wants His joy to be complete in us. And sometimes, just a good, long hug can bring back a smile. Try it and see if it doesn’t.

GRANDPAUSE: Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.    -Victor Hugo