It can be difficult to manage expectations and money amidst the plethora of Christmas activities. In Matthew 6:21 (NASB), we read that “where your heart is, there is your treasure also.” Our grandchildren are certainly precious treasures and blessings to us, but they should not be more of a treasure than Jesus Christ himself is to our lives. 

So let’s begin with a heart check to ensure Christ is top priority over all others, even our grandkids.

DO A HEART CHECK

Ask yourself, “What is my motive for giving gifts at Christmas,” or any other time, for that matter? Better yet, pray Psalm 139:23-24 (NASB) and ask God to “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.”

Am I trying to buy affection or attention through my gift giving? Am I hoping – even a little bit – that this gift will cause the child to like me more? Am I competing with others, such as the “other grandparent” or even the parents? Or am I gifting something for the child’s ultimate benefit and growth?

There is a comparison made between a “lavish” gift giver and a “gracious” gift giver. It comes down to our motives. We can acknowledge God gives to us lavishly: “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us” (Ephesians 1:7-8) (NASB). This is a voluntary and loving gift to us, not earned by us nor with anything required from us in order to receive it.

For grandparents, a personal comparison might look like this:

A Lavish Gift Giver has a self-centered motive, perhaps from guilt, pride, or feeling we need to compensate for geographical distance.

A Gracious Gift Giver gives out of love and concern for their well-being to serve the best interests of the receiver out of a generous heart.

GENERAL GUIDELINES

We may have had limited resources when our own children were young with tight finances, time and energy. There is the temptation to compensate and indulge our grandchildren now that we may not have the same constraints. 

In their book Extreme Grandparenting, Tim and Darcy Himmel describe constructive spoiling as opposed to toxic spoiling. It is not helpful to give material things that are at odds with the goals of your adult children’s family. An essential principle to remember is “don’t undermine parental authority or wishes.” Check with the parents or you may risk damaging relationships and trust. Similarly, do your best not to show preferences for one grandchild over another or have strings attached to the gifts. A personal example occurred when my father chose to invest extravagant attention and money on one grandchild out of 21 simply because the grandson was named after his great-grandfather. Constructive spoiling has the primary goal of helping them grow into better people; it is thinking about what is best for them in the long run, not just about the initial excitement on Christmas morning. 

PRACTICAL TIPS

Not every gift needs to be costly in terms of money. We need not over-emphasize material things. (For example, I took two of my granddaughters to see the Nutcracker ballet but chose the less expensive afternoon matinee.) There are creative ways to focus on gifts centered on time, relationship building, life skills, character building, and spiritual growth. 

The following list is not comprehensive, just idea-starters:

*art supplies/craft projects to do together (jewelry making, cookie baking, etc.)

*book/items connected to their special interests (trading cards, bird books, fishing tackle)

*magazine subscriptions for kids (Focus on the Family has some for all ages)

*coupons to do things together (bake, explore/hike, shop, camp, fish, movies, sewing lessons)

*handmade items (knitted scarves, photo albums, jewelry)

With all these ideas, be sure that any gifts are:

*prayed over

*parent-approved

*age appropriate

*not overly indulgent without a higher purpose (honors God and for the child’s best interest)

*given no strings-attached

*not in competition or with self-centered motives

Remember that your PRESENCE is more important than your PRESENTS. Even for those geographically distanced, we can be present with them through technology (zoom, facetime, text, phone calls) or through cards and letters. Allow your adult children and grandchildren the freedom to make their own holiday schedule choices without fear of upsetting you; don’t be a guilt-inducing crabby person.

Let go of perfect and model a Christ-like positive and loving attitude as you celebrate the first coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Prayer: Lord, thank you for coming to earth and taking on human form in preparation for living the perfect life that could carry the punishment of our sins on the cross. Would you please give me fresh, creative ideas on how to share the true meaning of Christmas with my loved ones? Help me to be a lavish grace giver just as You are. Amen.