A two-year-old grandson toddles toward his grandfather with open arms.

A five-year-old granddaughter grabs her grandma’s face, pulls it toward her, and looks deeply into her eyes.

A ten-year-old grandchild sits with their elbows on the counter and hands under their chin, watching grandma make cookies and listening to her stories. 

Each wait to be acknowledged, seen, and understood. Each desire to be accepted, valued, and loved.

We all have needs, the most basic of which are food, water, shelter, and clothing. Our bodies demand sleep and air, but our requirements go beyond these primal substances. 

God created us with other necessities in order to thrive, not just survive. 

Without water and food, we waste away; but without our longings met, we spiral into addiction, depression, or a sense of hollowness. Without connection and purpose, our existence appears meaningless. 

Grandparents, we have a high calling to help our grandchildren feel loved and accepted, both by us and by God. When these needs are met, they are less likely to fall prey to online dangers or follow a peer leading them astray.

Let’s explore a few of the longings God placed in our hearts and what we can do to bolster our grandchildren’s sense of self-worth through meeting these longings.  

Love and Acceptance

God placed these innate desires in us so we would run to him, rely on him, and seek fulfillment from him. Children learn to depend on God to meet these needs by first, feeling love and acceptance from us and second, observing us depend on God for these needs.

“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19 NIV). On our worst days, God loves us. On the days we’ve failed, made poor choices, hurt others, and sinned against him, he loves us categorically. He doesn’t regret his decision to accept us into his family. He’s not astonished by our behavior or insecurities or lack of maturity. He doesn’t doubt creating us. No, he still sees us as chosen, holy, loved, blameless, forgiven, and redeemed. (See Ephesians 1:1–7 NIV.) 

For us to love others unconditionally, we have to embrace these truths.

We display God’s unconditional love and acceptance by loving and accepting our grandchildren as they are. Please note that we can love and accept without agreeing all the time. That may mean stating something like, “I don’t agree with the decision you’re making, but my love for you will never change. It’s not dependent on your behavior or choices.”

Belonging

We all want to belong, to be included, to be part of something larger than ourselves—a community.

Our aim is to create a space that fosters a sense of belonging. Include your grandchildren in conversations and decisions. Draw them in. Invite them to be part of what you are doing. Confirm that their contributions are wanted and helpful.

Validation

We validate our grandchildren by looking them in the eye, actively listening, repeating back what we hear, and affirming them. Say something positive about an idea they’ve expressed. Tell them you’ve heard them when they voice concerns. Remind them their emotions are real. 

We can validate without agreeing. Just listening and considering their thoughts and emotions validates them as a person. After we’ve recognized their point of view and how they feel about an issue or problem, we can gently steer them toward a biblical answer.

Being Valued

The next generation, like us, wants to know they are not a mistake—that they exist for a reason and their dreams and ambitions matter. They’re priceless and precious in your eyes and God’s. When they grasp their worth, they’re motivated to set goals and work toward them. 

Start instilling these ideas when they are young. Help them visualize the future. Give them age-appropriate chores and feasible tasks so they feel appreciated and learn the value of contributing. Encourage them in their likes and endeavors. Empower them to say no to peers who pressure them into behaviors that lead them away from God’s objectives. When they make mistakes, acknowledge their setbacks, teach them how to repent, and how to recover. Be their cheerleader.

End Goal

Awareness of these basic human needs allows us to be proactive in meeting them—both ours and our grandchildren’s. If we’re aware that anger, fear, anxiety, or a need for love, acceptance, or validation is the root cause of some emotional turmoil they’re feeling, we can help them pray through it. We can point them to what we know is true: God is love. Love, acceptance, and validation come from him. 

Our complex task is to see our grandchildren as special, seek to understand them, love them as they are, teach them how valuable they are, and point them to the One who will continue to love them, accept them, and show them their worth as they mature into adulthood. 

It’s a lengthy process, but worth it. You’re investing in your legacy. You’ve got this!

The above was adapted from portions of the “Selflessness” chapter in Sexpecations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships by Barb Winters.

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