GrandPause: When a village fails to initiate its boys into manhood, those same boys will burn down the village just to feel the heat. (Old African Proverb)

Have you noticed how often ‘village burnings’ are occurring in our society these days?

Besides the obvious examples of Ferguson, Berkeley, Baltimore and Brooklyn, there are plenty of other examples of ‘village burnings’: school shootings, gang violence, and cyber-bullying are but a few. Even Judge Judy’s courtroom is filled with young (and sometimes, not so young) plaintiffs and defendants trying to blame someone else for their own wrongful behavior. Our culture has become increasingly violent and self-centered where young adults act more like tantrum-throwing toddlers than mature adults.

While numerous reasons exist to explain such behaviors, at the top of the list has to be the failure of parents and society to prepare children for adulthood. Far too many parents and grandparents have bought into the adolescent lie and neglected their responsibility to train, model and then initiate their children into adulthood.

It is a serious enough problem that I am devoting my next three blogs to this topic. I will suggest three important means—or opportunities—that grandparents have at their disposal to help prepare their grandchildren for adulthood.

The apostle Paul writes: When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put away childish things (I Cor. 13:11). We need to do a better job of preparing our children (grandchildren) for when it’s time to put away childish things. So let’s begin with Means #1:

A Strong Parent/Grandparent Partnership          

Grandparents ought to understand that parents are assigned the front-line duty to train their children in the way they should go. What is not often understood is that God also expects grandparents to have a role as partners in that training. Here are four ways grandparents can help forge a powerful partnership to train and prepare a child for adulthood.

1.  ENGAGE inter-generationally. Sit down and have this conversation with your adult children: How can we help you succeed in your role as parents to prepare your children for adulthood?

Find ways to work together to create an inter-generational environment in their home and your home. Just because all the generations live together (multi-generational) or do certain things together does not necessarily translate into true inter-generational family relationships.

What is the difference? For one thing, multi-generational families can still live their lives disconnected from one another. Biblically inter-generational families, on the other hand, do life together. They are intentionally purposeful about producing godly offspring where everyone contributes to each other’s personal, spiritual growth and maturity.

Chuck Stecker, founder and President of A Chosen Generation, identifies three characteristics of such an inter-generational family (or community):

1. Every generation has a ‘seat at the table’. In other words, no one is marginalized because of age. Conversations involve all members of the family.
2. Every generation has the privilege of serving and being served. There is no entitlement here. Everyone has a responsibility to fulfill and accepts it. Additionally, everyone graciously and gratefully receives what others do for them.
3. Every generation has value. Each family member is valued because they are made in the image of God, and the unique gifts and contributions they each bring to the rest of the family are acknowledged and praised. Value is based upon who they are, not what they do.

2. PRAY fervently and regularly for your children and grandchildren. Pray that they will cultivate the qualities and character traits that God wants them to have as mature adults.

3. MODEL maturity through the example of your own life. Encourage your grandchildren to imitate you. Paul did not back down from this responsibility. Listen to what he says: Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice (Phil. 4:9).

4. CELEBRATE your grandchild’s transition into adulthood. Work with your adult children to plan a rite of passage ceremony that brings the whole family together to celebrate this transition. Make it a big deal, but make sure your grandchild has been properly prepared to accept the responsibilities of adulthood.

Send Your Feedback: What are some of the challenges you face as grandparents to help your grandchildren prepare for adulthood?