Rob Rienow, pastor and author of God’s Grand Vision for the Home, asks this question at the beginning of his book: “When your kids leave home what do you want most for them?” Here’s the same questions rephrased for grandparents: “When your grandkids reach adulthood, what do you want most for them?”

I think a lot of you would probably respond with things like a strong faith, serving Christ wholeheartedly, and godly character, right? Those are the kind of things I would certainly want most for my kids and grandkids. But then Rob asks another question:

Oh, that hurt! In many families in America the first three clearly get more attention than the last. In fact, if we were completely honest, would we have to confess that much of the faith and character development is being left to the church children’s and youth ministry, or coaches and teachers in our kids’ lives?

That may explain why so many young adults are leaving the church after high school because, as Rob points out, delegated parenting is not God’s plan for the family. Parents and grandparents have the primary responsibility for teaching and shaping the hearts of our children. In fact, the Bible has no word to differentiate between father and grandfather, parent and grandparent. The same word is used for both. The same responsibility is given to both. The only difference is the specific roles assigned to fulfill that responsibility.

Thus, when the command is given to teach “your children” it is a command for both. Read what God says one more time: “The Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children…” (Deut. 6:4-7).

If I read this correctly, it seems that we, parents and grandparents, are mandated to commit our energies and resources to love God with our whole being and disciple our children to do the same. The family is to be the primary arena for discipling our children so they can become what God created them to be.

The question still remains: Where are your efforts focused? Is it on the one thing God has called you to do?

Share your thoughts: Why do we sometimes spend so much energy on the unimportant areas of our child’s (grandchild’s) life and not on the ones that really count in the long run? What are you doing to put the focus on the right thing? Share with us some of your experiences.

Visit Rob’s web site at visionaryfam.com for more information and resources for family disicipleship.