Who is the grandparent with whom you are most familiar? Just look in the mirror and you will see him or her! When we think of being kind, it is seldom to that grandparent. It is so much easier to show kindness to others. We may even think that being kind to ourselves is selfish and unbiblical. 

Jesus was always compassionately kind to everyone. Does “every one” include myself? We are told to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31, NASB). This indicates that I am to first have a godly love for myself which then emanates to those around me. (You can’t give what you don’t have.) This principle is described in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ,NIV; God is compassionate toward us first and we then allow that same loving kindness to overflow to others.

Here are four ways to put kindness to self into action

1. Recognize Imago Dei (Genesis 1:26-27, NIV).

Respect your value as being made in God’s very image! Spend time in His Word to see who God says you are and begin to view yourself through His eyes: “You are precious and honored in My sight and…I love you” (Isaiah 43:4 ,NIV). Don’t hate whom God loves! 

There are two sides to Biblical self-acceptance. First, we face our broken sinfulness and the consequence of death. Secondly, we recognize that God loves us so much that Jesus died for us, pouring boundless grace into our lives every day. Because of this divine transaction, we can trust God to forgive our sins when we are believers and then move on with freedom to fulfill His purposes for us without guilt or shame holding us back.

We are not to be in denial but recognize our own faults, weaknesses, and mistakes. But don’t remain in this “paralysis of analysis”. Keep the focus of attention on God. Following honest reflection and confession comes forgiveness and acceptance that we don’t need to work to earn His favor. Forgive yourself; no more beating yourself up because you’re human and make mistakes. The simple truth is that God knows you, loves you, and even likes you because He made you!

2. Recognize your God-given uniqueness, gifts, and needs.

Each of us is a one-of-a-kind creation with personal needs and individual giftedness. Good “self-care” is not selfish but prepares you to be better at the roles He has given you (spouse, parent, grandparent, caregiver, employee, and more). Find things that refresh you such as a hobby, exercise, music, a good book, or lunch with a friend. When you’re feeling overwhelmed with the demands of life, allow yourself a guilt-free break.  Having some time for your own interests, or for a nap, can recharge your energy and improve your outlook

3. Recognize your “self-talk” or internal monologue.

Everyone has a continual conversation taking place in their thoughts and, more often than not, it is negative in nature. The apostle Paul admits his many sins but then says in I Corinthians 4:3-4, NIV he does “not even judge myself” but leaves that up to God. He replaces harsh self-criticism with the truth of God’s compassion to him. Another Biblical example of healthy self-talk is found in Psalm 42:5, 11, NIV as the Psalmist says, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God…”. He reminds himself that he needs to focus on God rather than on the despair arising from the apparently overwhelming circumstances facing him. Both men are replacing negative, harsh self-criticism and judgmental thoughts about themselves with God’s truth about them and their situations.

Resilience is a popular word in today’s culture. It describes a positive response or reaction to life stressors and challenges. Can we choose to respond with empathy toward ourselves for the difficulties we’re facing in life, knowing that our loving and kind God is in control? A therapeutic technique used for anxiety or depression involves an examination of how a person talks to himself about himself. Rather than thinking negatively and saying things to ourselves that we would never say to someone we loved, we can replace that with the compassion, kindness, and truths expressed in Colossians 3:12, NIV: “God’s chosen people, holy, and dearly loved.”

4. Recognize your progress. 

Hope comes from seeing even small steps toward our goals. This helps us stay on the path, moving in the right direction. Keeping a gratitude journal is one means of encouraging spiritual growth and even our brain health. Psychological research affirms that gratitude nurtures brain pathways and alters thinking patterns.

Try to think of at least one thing a day for which you are thankful. It can be about God, others, or yourself. Even if is a seemingly small thing, name it and write it down! We do this not to develop “self-esteem”, an absorption with self which can weaken our focus on Christ. Rather, it is based on self-compassion from a Godward focus on how we respond to life events. Guilt, shame, judgment, and harsh self-criticism is replaced by kindness, gentleness, and loving care to the grandparent we know best and whom God loves. Let’s treat that grandparent with the same kindness and empathy as we would for a good friend!

PRAYER: 

Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to see myself through Your eyes. I want to be who You created me to be. Show me how to have truth-based conversations with myself. Help me to recognize the harsh self-criticism which joins with the accusatory voice of the enemy of my soul and is not the message of our loving, forgiving Lord. Thank You for the grace, forgiveness, and loving kindness You pour out for me. Help me to treat myself and then my neighbors with that same love, compassion, and kindness. Amen.