Since 1900, the average life span of an American has increased by 33 years.

In the past, such a statement would have passed me by with a cursory acknowledgement and a brief reflection on the advances in medicine we’ve experienced during that time. But when I heard this exact statement recently, I couldn’t get it off my mind, probably because I didn’t just hear it, I heard something that caused my “family ministry” ears to perk up.

I heard that in a 45-year longitudinal study of 360 families, grandparents were found to have a “higher than anticipated” influence on the faith of their grandchildren, second only to the parents of the child.¹

I heard that the degree of a grandparent’s influence in a person’s life did not decline with time but in some instances, actually increased.²

I heard that about 8 percent of children today are being raised by their grandparents and there are more years of shared life with grandchildren than at any time before.³

I learned that if grandparents talked about their faith with their grandchildren face-to-face more than once a week or went on family vacations with their grandchildren once a year, those grandchildren had a significantly higher chance of remaining in the faith than those who did not, and led to grandchildren increasingly talking with others about their faith struggles.²

I learned that “when grandparents consistently modeled their faith, their grandchildren tending to share that faith.”²

And I realized that there is a veritable army of grandparents who are poised to help form the faith of the next generation of believers; to join parents in the beautiful privilege of discipling children and youth; to pass on the legacy of faith that has sustained them throughout their life onto their grandchildren who are just beginning theirs.

What’s even more amazing is that, according to developmental theorists, that’s exactly what God has instilled in them to do. According to Eric Erikson’s generativity theory, as people enter the “post-kids, post-work” stage of life, they tend to look for ways to pass on what they have learned and experienced. If they can’t find that outlet, they tend to enter a stage of “stagnation” where, for lack of a better word, they can get grumpy. In other words, people in this stage need to pass something on their legacy in some fashion to others.⁴

How do we see this happening?

Each year on my daughter’s birthday, she asks me to make a special dish – Great-Grandma’s Spaghetti and Meatballs. There are a few things that have gotten passed through the generations in my family, and this particular recipe is one of them. My great-grandmother showed my grandmother how to make it, who showed my mother, who showed me, and now I’ll pass it on to my kids. To me, it’s Grandma’s Spaghetti which is funny because to my grandmother it was Nonni’s Spaghetti (her mother-in-law). But one thing doesn’t change – the amazing, delicious, recipe that has to cook for two days and is hands-down the best spaghetti and meatballs on the planet.

Psalm145:4 (NIV) tells of a different kind of thing getting passed from one generation to another. “One generation commends His works to another; they tell of His mighty acts.” Testimonies of faith, passed from one generation to the next, through stories, through conversation, through example.  

The thing about the recipe that my grandmother passed to me is that it took time. She couldn’t just write it down, because frankly, some of the steps included eyeballing spices in the palm of her hand or taste-testing at certain times to make sure the ingredients were blending. It took a relationship. 

When I make that dish, I can still hear her voice in my head telling me to “stir that gently or you’ll break up the meatballs” or “cut that smaller. You don’t want a mouthful of garlic!” I can also hear her singing and remember stories she told me. I feel her hugs. She passed a whole lot more than just a recipe to me. She passed on a lifetime of stories and love. 

Generational discipleship is about more than just passing on testimonies of faith.

Yes, those things are the reason for the conversation. But in telling the stories, we are also passing on and receiving a lot more. Relationships are forged. Time is spent. Love is modeled. Laughter ensues. Hugs are given.

We both find out that we belong – we belong in the place of giving and we belong in the place of receiving.

We find out who we are as we pass on and receive the stories of hope and grace that have forged our identities.

This is where we find our center for if there is anything that needs to be passed on, it is our faith!

If you, like me, have been taken by these facts and statistics, you might ask, as I did, “What next? How do I bring this army to life? How can I be a part of it?”

Here are some practical ways to move forward:

1. Research – Take some time to look deeper into these facts stated above. The first few came from a study done by Dr. Vern Bengtson and can be found in his book Families and Faith: How Religion is Passed Down across Generations.¹ The other information came from a study completed by Matthew Deprez with the Fuller Youth Institute – find his research in the Christian Education Journal, Spring 2017 edition.²
2. Resource – I cannot say enough about the Legacy Coalition and the work they do resourcing grandparents for the important work of discipling grandchildren. Look over their website, read their blog, and hear the stories of how God is using grandparents in ministry to their families and community.
3. Relay – Family ministers and pastors often tell parents and caregivers how influential they are to their children’s faith. The same is true for grandparents. It’s important that we take the time to encourage them in the work of discipleship by reminding them often how important they are to the faith formation of their grandchildren.

For years, we’ve known that grandparents had influence. Now that we know just how much, we can truly understand just what our generation can do for our families. 

We’ve been given 33 more years. Let’s use it to shape the faith of future generations. Forge relationships and mold identities by doing just as we’ve been commissioned, by commending His works to the next generation and telling of His mighty acts.

Footnotes:

1. Bengtson, V. L. (2013). Families and faith: how religion is passed down across generations. Oxford University Press.
2. Deprez, M. D. (2017). The role of grandparents in shaping faith formation of grandchildren: A case study. Christian Education Journal, 14(1), 109-127.
3. Clayton, Jim. (2016). Supporting Grandfamilies, https://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/supporting-grandfamilies
4. Cherry, Kendra. (2024). Erikson’s Stages of Development: A Closer Look at the Eight Psychosocial Stages, https://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/supporting-grandfamilies