A Grandparent of Sexual Integrity

written by Dave Howe
11 · 13 · 23

As a Christian grandparent, you have a particular motivation to get your sexual integrity act together, and that motivation is your precious grandchildren. Grandchildren see you living your life based on your beliefs every day. The stability a grandparent represents to a child gives them peace. They know they can come to you for truth and guidance. When they know that your peace is based on your relationship with God, they are more apt to face life by seeking the peace of God instead of the world. 

If you are living a double life, however, you become less reliable and less available emotionally to your grandchild. As they get into their teens you want to be able to be helpful to them when they ask sexual and moral questions. It is much easier, and more believable, if you are coming to them from a position of sexual integrity yourself.

When I mention sexual integrity you may think I’m talking about trying not to do things; trying not to lust after a woman, trying not to take a second look, and generally trying harder. That’s not it. It is also not about sinless perfection. 

Here is a more helpful mindset.

  • God loves me and sent his son, Jesus, to die for my sins of impurity, and for me to rest in that fact as a believer. “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 (NLT) He loves me and wants to restore my relationship with him.
  • My sanctification is a process that continues my whole life. It is not made perfect until I leave this life.
  • When I am weak, he is strong. Ask for God’s strength and you can move mountains. 
  • Stay focused on why you are seeking sexual integrity in the first place; obedience to Christ’s commands, like fleeing sexual immorality. As it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV), “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
  • Romans 8:1-16 (NIV) speaks about life in the Spirit; verses 12-13 specifically say, “Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.” So, have the mindset that you will live by the Spirit and not the flesh. 

Here are some of the rewards for maintaining sexual integrity. It’s all good!

  • Freedom from guilt
  • Freedom from shame
  • Feeling worthy to be a spiritual leader at home
  • Feeling worthy to be in leadership positions at church
  • Being close to God
  • Being obedient to God
  • Being in God’s will for your life, which is sexual integrity
  • Being the same man at home, with grandkids, and work as you are at church
  • Relying on God’s strength and not your own
  • Humility to know you wouldn’t have sexual integrity without God’s grace 
  • If married, a pure marriage relationship unstained by betrayal
  • A wife who can trust you fully because you have been faithful
  • Innocence, that is the ability to look at a woman without lusting. To be able to look at her as a sister
  • More time to do the right things
  • Honoring your values by your behavior- no duplicity
  • Physical and emotional presence with your wife, family, and grandkids 
  • Having nothing to hide anywhere from anyone in your home, office, phone, or life in general
  • Freedom to know and be known by your grandkids
  • Experiencing the full range of emotions because they haven’t been numbed with porn
  • Dealing with life’s trials and challenges in a healthy way
  • The ability to receive love and give love freely

I hope you are encouraged to be a grandparent of sexual integrity for the benefit of both you and your grandchildren. It has so many rewards and no downside. 

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Dave Howe

Dave Howe is an author, group leader, speaker, musician, consultant and retreat leader. Howe co-founded a men’s purity group at his church and led it for 10 years. He felt compelled to share what he had learned to help even more men find their freedom in Christ around the world. He wrote a devotional/workbook called: Live Pure and Free- The 90 Day Game Changer. Visit his website at davehowe.org.


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