Loving the Unlovely

By

SHARE THIS POST WITH OTHERS

The word “love” is used rather haphazardly in today’s world. People will express their love for a certain coffee drink, a particular sports team, a clothing style, and a favorite hobby or activity. They then use the same word to describe their feelings for their spouse, child, or good friend. Most Christians are familiar with Jesus’ explanation of the Greatest Commandment in Mark 12:28-31 to wholeheartedly love God and then your neighbor.

What is love and where does it originate?

Twice in I John 4:7-19, we read that “God is love.” God created it, he is the source of it, he is the definition of it, and it is the very center of his nature. He is the perfect example of love as demonstrated by sending his Son Jesus Christ to die on our behalf while we were rejecting him (Romans 5:8). That kind of love is an action, not simply an emotion. It is seeking the best for another regardless of our feelings. To love is not the same as to like.

It is easy to love others when we are loved; this is circumstantial and based on feelings. But what about those who frustrate, anger, criticize, disappoint, hurt, or even just plain annoy us? Can we be genuinely loving to them when they are unlovely? Our human love is imperfect and limited. Our own brokenness makes us incapable of producing that kind of love. Since Christ calls us to love selflessly, how then can we do that? By faking it since we can’t do it on our own? No, of course not.

First, we must recognize that God is the only One who can love perfectly. After we face our own need for Christ’s love and grace, relying on His loving forgiveness for us, we can more sincerely love others whether they are lovely or not.

Why would we make the effort to love others who are so difficult?

It proves God’s presence in our lives. Love is the first characteristic of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling (I Corinthians 13). Jesus loved people who slandered, criticized, betrayed, tortured, and even killed Him. When he says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12), he is calling us to love even when it is undeserved or unreciprocated. Loving this way demonstrates that we are a child of God, not a pagan. By loving others the way God loves us, we are giving evidence that we love God. It is a response to the love He has shown to us . When we love “the least of these” as described in Matthew 25:40, we are demonstrating our love for Jesus. Withholding encouragement, affirmation, and love or withdrawing from difficult people is a form of rejecting not only them but also our Lord Jesus.

Action Steps for Loving the Unlovely:

  1. Pray for the Holy Spirit’s help since God is the only One able to love in this way.
  2. Spend time in the Word of God. It is full of encouragement, wisdom, and practical advice on the topic of loving.
  3. Decide to relinquish judgment or the attempt to “fix” or change the unlovely person. It is always a temptation to judge when we’ve been hurt by another. Instead, ask yourself, “If this person never becomes lovely by my standard, can I love him/her anyway?” 
  4. Remember that they are also God’s precious and beloved child carrying within them His Imago Dei (giving them infinite worth to God). View them through His eyes.
  5. Remind yourself of the reason for loving an unlovely person: to glorify and honor God. We love others because we’ve been loved by God and forgive because we’ve been forgiven.
  6. Pray for them. God changes our own hearts as we pray for blessings in another person’s life – even for enemies.
  7. Spend time in I Corinthians 13 as you consider the actions described there that demonstrate God’s kind of love. Don’t depend on warm, fuzzy feelings; instead, find an action point .
  8. Be patient with yourself and take one step at a time. With the Holy Spirit enabling you can love the unlovely.

Prayer

Lord, thank You for loving me when I was unlovely, for forgiving me when I was estranged from You. Forgive me for the opportunities I’ve missed to pass that love on to another. Help me to see others through Your eyes and give me the courage to love like Jesus. Amen

Scripture references are in English Standard Version (ESV).

Related Posts