Jesus speaking,“. . . leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first, be reconciled to your brother . . .” Matthew 5:24

Charles Dickens may have characterized families the best when he wrote, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’ Though he wasn’t writing about families, we all know that many of our greatest joys and deepest sorrows revolve around our families. Today we will consider when families experience division and fractured relationships – the worst of times.

Let’s examine what we have been given in Christ, how we got there, and what to do about it within our family.

First, what we’ve been given. Reconciliation. God reconciled sinful us to Himself even though we didn’t deserve it. He extended grace and mercy first. Because He reconciled us to Himself, we are to follow His lead. This principle is in Colossians 3:13b: “Whoever has a complaint against any one, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” 

How did this process of reconciliation come about? It came at a great cost, as Jesus, though innocent, willingly endured humiliation and the cross to restore a broken relationship. It was not fair, yet we are very thankful He proactively acted on our behalf to repair a broken relationship! Reconciliation is not optional in the Christian life; it is central.

He has given us the blueprint. Now we must choose whether to follow it. Before looking into how to be proactive in family dysfunction, please consider this. When faced with either doing something or doing nothing, whatever method you are led to choose, it may fail. If what you chose to do was in err, would you rather err by doing something, or by not doing something. My advice is to err by doing something. I would much rather be asked, “Why did you do that?” than “Why didn’t you try do something?” There are certainly times to remain silent, as I share in an entire chapter on this subject in my book, Intentional Grandparenting with God’s Vision.* However, as a general principle, I would rather err by being proactive rather than doing nothing.

Now, the hard part. If you choose to remain silent, pray, pray, pray. God can speak loudly in people’s lives without using our words! If you are led to engage, then pray, seek wisdom from a trusted friend or counselor, and be wise in the use of your words. Proverbs 15:2 tells us, “The tongue of the wise make knowledge acceptable.” Your knowledge of how your relationship should be will only be heard via the tongue of wisdom!

One of the wisest courses of action when addressing difficult situations is to ask questions. Questions invite understanding; accusations invite defensiveness. Jesus often responded to challenges with thoughtful questions that revealed hearts and diffused conflict.  Often the question was enough to silence those in opposition. 

Throughout the process, remain humble. Acknowledge your part in the conflict before addressing someone else’s. Resist the urge to defend yourself or assign blame. Pride only deepens division, but humility opens the door to healing. Listen carefully. Speak gently. And never underestimate the power of a sincere, unqualified apology. Then leave the results with God!

Families may experience the worst of times, but because of Christ, restoration is always within reach. Be courageous enough to take the first step. Whether that first step is a card, letter, or phone call, God often uses one humble act of obedience to begin healing what once seemed beyond repair.

Scripture references are in New American Standard Bible (NASB) version.

* Intentional Grandparenting with God’s Vision.