Who do you say I am? – Jesus (Luke 9:20)

Have you ever felt brain-dead and tongue-tied at a moment when you knew something was wrong but you couldn’t think of what to say? For many of us over fifty, we most likely grew up not having to deal with a lot of real difficult social questions as kids. Unlike today, we lived in a fairly homogeneous culture on most issues until the 60’s, and even then, we still shared many common values as a nation.

In today’s society sexuality is ambiguous, family is redefined, Biblical authority is disdained, and the opinions of older people are devalued. Knowing how to address some of these issues with your grandchildren can feel intimidating. How do you talk with your grandchildren, especially teens and young adults, about so many divisive social issues dominating our world?

If you’ve been receiving this email for a while, you know I often talk about the importance of learning to listen well, and to ask good questions. When it comes to discussing many of today’s social issues with our grandchildren, there are some effective questions that will help us engage them without simply telling them our opinion. These questions will help you and them do some critical thinking about what we believe and why?

Here are six questions proposed by John Stonestreet (see Sometimes A Questions is Better Than An Answer, Colson Center for Christian Worldview) that can be very helpful for creating “the sort of dialogue we should desire about issues of faith and culture:”

1. What do you mean by that? Let’s face it, grandparents—we aren’t always speaking the same language our grandchildren are speaking. It is important to understand what they are actually saying no matter what words they use.
2. How do you know that’s true? It’s interesting how opinionated any of us can be on a subject, often creating our opinions or views without factual basis. This is a good question for digging down to determine whether supposed ‘facts’ are indeed factual.
3. Where did you get this information? This is part of factual basis investigation process. What validity is there to your grandchild’s position? Just because they got it off the internet or social media does not make is accurate.
4. How did you come to this conclusion? You may know quite a bit about your grandchild’s background story, but then you may be surprised by the people who are influencing their thinking. This question will help you, and hopefully, them, understand where you are coming from and how that story impacts how you think.
5. What if you’re wrong? This question, along with #6 below, deal with the matter of consequences. There is a good possibility that your grandchild, like many children or young adults, don’t think much about consequences. Ask this question without passing judgment, and they will be more likely to think about something they’ve never thought about before. If they’re wrong, are they willing to live with the consequences, and are they willing to seek the truth?
6. What if you’re right? Like #5 above, this question addresses the matter of consequence from a different perspective. If their position is correct, what difference will it make for them and the rest of society? What attitude will they have towards those who don’t agree with their position?

Jesus used questions effectively to get people to think the things that really matter. The most important question he may have asked was, “Who do you say I am?” It was a probing question designed to motivate the disciples to not merely react, but to think. One word of caution: If, as John Stonestreet suggests, you’re going to ask questions, you might want to be prepared for questions your grandchildren will ask you. Consider it an honor if they do.